I’m questioning myself, why I have all these different feelings – loneliness, sadness, panic, suffocation. I think, I’m going through a phase, where it feels like I’m writing every single word with my dark blood. I’m crying inside while I’m rhyming.
I’m talking to myself by sending a deep message. I’m accountable of my own happiness and sorrow. Normally we tend to play the blame game. If I’m happy, it because of myself and if I’m sad, it’s because of you. That’s always the easy way by simply fluctuating. However, taking full responsibility of your own life isn’t that easy. It sounds quite black & white. However, if I really connect with the Being, which is normally hidden behind the self, then it would be easier to understand. One needs to die several times to live from the deep. I’m not saying I’m able to do so every single moment. If I could, I wouldn’t have written so many poems of different shades.
Poem is me. I’ve never been so passionate about writing poetry. If I were filthy rich, didn’t have to think of paying bills, I would simply leave everything to become a full-time writer. I primarily write poems about what I experience. It could be an emotion, an opening in me, self-realization or simply a pure desire. I bring forward the real matters, which encircle my life & of those, related to me. Feeling of depression, pain, sadness, anger, anxiety, panic, trauma, old wounds, difficulty in sleeping, feeling numb, longing, craving, darkness, disorder, disturbance, lightness, mindfulness, spirituality, love, heart, connections are the topics I touch through my writings. I’m not afraid of writing about provocative matters, which others might say, “it’s not ok”. However, I need to be true to myself. It’s not about attacking someone; it’s more about being transparent. Writing poems is very therapeutic & it helps in healing.
Thoughts are racing in my mind & making this picture, that’s quite surreal. I’m trying hard to route these thoughts to nowhere; trying to dissolve them as I don’t know what’s going on in my head. I know sometimes we try to analyse & use our logic in everything, without being simply present to simply experience & explore.