I was feeling terribly frightened when I started picturing if I weren’t alive. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. I had a new bleeding in bleeding at the hospital and I started thinking, there’s a deeper meaning of it. The universe is trying to tell me, trying to teach things from the beginning. It’s like a new awakening. When I grasped that, my point of view changed, spiritual side has kicked in. The only way to survive & live is to take slow & steady steps.
I’m frustrated, annoyed, sad, angry and having difficulties in focussing or doing anything as I keep comparing how easy it was for me before the brain haemorrhage. I can’t sleep at nights as my mind is talking to me constantly. I’m trying to reset my mind by looking at the spiritual aspect by living in the present; by dissolving the thoughts of my crazy mind. I am visualizing hope & light in the form fireflies that brighten the dark scene.
Phase it is a poem that was written when I got back home. I’m going through difficult times. I’m going back in time, where I had my own space at the hospital; where I was getting all the help. I’ve been snapping on my wife & kids and having constant mood shifts, where everything is simply wrong in my head. It’s equally difficult for them to have me back home. Every step used to be so 3 dimensional when I wanted to walk down the stairs as my mind was playing the trip & then I would simply loose the balance. I’m finding great difficulty in adjusting with family as I’m not alone anymore. I feel like going back to hospital to isolate.
This is my last evening at the rehab hospital, before I head back to my home. It was a difficult time but I did make some new friends. I’m deeply very thankful for all the care & attention. Perhaps, the professionals were doing their job but for me, it was much more than that, which I’ll always remember. I’m feeling sad to leave. Change & stepping forward to something new is always difficult.
Soon it’s time for me to come home from the rehabilitation hospital. I’m still having difficulty in maintaining the balance & walking up / down the stairs. I’m quite nervous how it would be to come home. It’s still difficult to accept my new reality. All I know is that I need to take one day or perhaps, one moment at a time.
This is a poem about a dream in which I was protected by a white angel who saved me from two dark energies. Her big eyes, beauty & aura was pure divine. She saved my life & I was absolutely in love with her. The feeling stayed in me after I woke up from this crazy & beautiful dream.
I’m in deep physical pain in my left side. I can’t sleep at all, even though I’m very tired. Anxious, frustrated & irritated all the way. The cocktail of epilepsy & painkillers is heavy, it’s driving me crazy. I’m simply loosing my mind, don’t know what to do with this pain, so I’m writing this poem late in the night.
The name of this poem is My Rehab. I’m in fear, panicking and quite anxious. Questioning myself if I ever would be close to normal. I know, my family need me but what if I can’t make it – this feeling is terrifying. I’m in great shock & in tears. I’m trying to come out of my pain body, my patterns & trying to accept my situation. I hear these voices, which are showing me the right path, making me to believe in me, having faith & trust. This voice is healing me. Everyone is sending me positive energy; they have been very kind to me. I had lost hope in rehab for a moment but I believe in it slowly.