I’m visualizing every line of this poem as this is what I’m feeling. The lines are flowing in me; this poem is occurring to me. It’s my spiritual way of dealing & healing myself.
I was taking shower while I was asking these questions to myself. I was trying to understand what was going on. I was feeling anxious, crazy & was panicking. Doctors told my wife & me that I could’ve died when I got bleeding in bleeding. I was simply freaking out, picturing the worst pictures. Then I started taking deep breaths to come out of my head, to simply reconnect.
A different kind of poem I’m writing. If you read it closely, you’ll find many different levels. It unwraps gradually as you read it slowly. Bitter does not necessarily mean bad, whether it’s chocolate or a person. One needs to understand the texture, proportions and the process.
Brain hemorrhage has given me epilepsy as well, which results in taking heavy pills, which drains most of my energy. I’m feeling crazy & heavy in my head. Although I believe this has a deeper meaning. Therefore, I’m trying to look beyond the pain body. Writing poems is quite therapeutic & it’s bringing me back to my real track.
I would rather show how I feel than to simply wear a mask, which projects what others want to see. It’s ok to be vulnerable, to show the other sensitive sides than to pretend everything is simply fine. I believe in real & deeper heart connection & I’m not scared to show who I am, although it took me a very long time as I used to be the pleaser – would suppress my feelings & would only focus others.
This poem is dedicated to my wife on her b’day, expressing how I feel and how she’s been supporting me & being there for the whole family in difficult times.
Obviously, a lot is going on in my head these days & that’s why I’m spitting poems quite often. Snapping on people, mood swings, insecurity, frustration, imbalance, heavy epilepsy medicines, no heart connection are playing quite an important role.
I am going crazy in my mind, tired in my body & loosing energy. Pain in my body, unable to sleep & epilepsy is making me to take quite heavy cocktail of pills – medication.