Snapping

I can feel something has changed in me
And it’s just not me who share this opinion about me
Coz I can see that it doesn’t take a lot before I loose control of my scene

If the things aren’t the way I like, then I get very upset & very mean
Then the moments begin where I start nagging & complaining about immaterial things
It’s just right there, I make it worse by snapping over family

Nothing matters to me at that point coz I can’t figure things out
Sometimes I don’t even know what I did wrong & why it’s my fault
Sometimes I wonder why so much smoke coming out from the wooden log
They just look at me in despair & are ready to sob
All I need is my space but the whole space is blinded by this thick fog

So tell me how I can rationalize
If I don’t know I’m about to jeopardize
The relationship & family lives
I’m not that scary monster, ready to eat everyone alive

It pains me to see them suffer
But then why have I become so blunt & why can’t I shut up?
Why can’t I simply use heart as the filter?
To let go of the things which can’t be used as the filler

So I need me to help me out
To find & then sort the things out
To scream in my own ears so loud
To find clear skies behind the darker clouds
All I need is to breathe the air in & then breathe it out

NAVIN’S POEMS © 2020

6 thoughts on “Snapping

  1. The breath is so very important in this whole process….anger, meanness, & filled w/grief…it’s not whom we wanted to be and it’s a trying task looking through those bottle caps……I wish your healing is a success in which it is your soul’s quest. Much love my flowic {hugs}

    Liked by 1 person

      1. my own management of anger has been beyond trying and to those around I can only imagine …my heart goes out to you & your loved ones….it’s a journey for all involved…much love

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Rightly said….it’s a journey for all involved…..but I’m sure that you’ve been trying your best to manage / control your anger…..as you also know well that it affects the loved ones…..just like I’m trying my best….even though it doesn’t seems sometimes….much love

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I can say…I never knew anger until pain took over this body…..an anger based on confusion rather than fear. There is no fear in pain it is a sensation that breaches every realm of all 3….depending on whom wins on what flows out from w/in. The aggression is the friction produced by the internal battle….of the limitations created by the physicality of reality…& the pain body not quite functioning properly beyond what seems to be our ‘control’ and mere whim of the unknown…I hush up…I fucked up & missed love…except for the unconditional I gave to my kids? I hope you haven’t regrets…those are the hindrance in the end? {hugs}

        Liked by 1 person

      4. If I have regrets? I really don’t know. Never thought of it. Perhaps….perhaps not. But it’s true those are the hindrance in the end….just like trauma
        ….where it’s not possible to be absolutely free….

        Liked by 1 person

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