Every day brings me to something different. I am writing this new poem very late at night. The words are flowing in me all of a sudden & I am not stopping them. I’m simply longing crazily & living those lines as if it’s my reality.
I’m visualizing every line of this poem as this is what I’m feeling. The lines are flowing in me; this poem is occurring to me. It’s my spiritual way of dealing & healing myself.
A different kind of poem I’m writing. If you read it closely, you’ll find many different levels. It unwraps gradually as you read it slowly. Bitter does not necessarily mean bad, whether it’s chocolate or a person. One needs to understand the texture, proportions and the process.
This poem is dedicated to my wife on her b’day, expressing how I feel and how she’s been supporting me & being there for the whole family in difficult times.
I was feeling terribly frightened when I started picturing if I weren’t alive. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. I had a new bleeding in bleeding at the hospital and I started thinking, there’s a deeper meaning of it. The universe is trying to tell me, trying to teach things from the beginning. It’s like a new awakening. When I grasped that, my point of view changed, spiritual side has kicked in. The only way to survive & live is to take slow & steady steps.
I’m in fear, panicking and quite anxious. Questioning myself if I ever would be close to normal. I know, my family need me but what if I can’t make it – this feeling is terrifying. I’m in great shock & in tears. I’m trying to come out of my pain body, my patterns & trying to accept my situation. I hear these voices, which are showing me the right path, making me to believe in me, having faith & trust. This voice is healing me. Everyone is sending me positive energy; they have been very kind to me. I had lost hope in rehab for a moment but I believe in it slowly.
I’ve received flowers from family & work, phone calls, video calls, so many text messages. It warms my heart when my family & I are going through this tough time. I can feel, I’m not alone. The therapists, nurses & whole staff has been there for me. This is poem is to express how thankful I am for this gesture. I’m at the hospital, paralyzed on the left side, hoping I’ll one day reconnect to my senses & will find the balance and body, mind & soul will become one again.
So now I understand why I felt the need to write Trip-Track a few days earlier. On 7th Nov at around 9:30 am I was rushed to the hospital. I didn’t understand what was going on. Those sirens & zig-zag tour in ambulance while I was writing sms to find out who’s gonna pick my kids up from school. My wife was supposed to come home same evening to be with us for the weekend but then she never went back. I was hit by brain haemorrhage on the right side. My left arm & hand is numb. Epileptic attack was the next to follow 3 days from bleeding. Amidst this chaos, I was trying to find the inner peace.
I’m writing this poem about my reflection, how I see & read things. It’s an art to find peace while you’re standing outside in the stormy weather. I’m projecting the deeper dimension & heart connection.