This Animal is Back

This is a poem about the wild animal in me, who’s attracted to another “animal” – the rage mixed with pain and sensuality mixed with deep & raw side of me. Have you never felt like this animal?

I’m finally back after almost a month’s break. I was busy updating my site with the help of DebbySEO. I won’t be exaggerating if I say Debby is very professional, knowledgeable, very kind & always ready to help. Please do check her blog.

CLICK HERE TO START READING MY POEM

Fly Freely

It’s the first time, I’ve used a part of the excerpt of my last poem “Surrender”, as it resonates so much with my present.

It’s like knowing the perfect recipe to heal
But I keep struggling to cook it to perfection, is what I truly feel
It’s just not the same story on auto-repeat
Snapping from time to time on my loving family
When I loose my patience & forget how to evenly breathe
Everything explodes in that moment into pieces with just a simple breeze
The photo collage on my real & tainted screen
Keep changing constantly from the shallow to the deep
As if I’m digging my own grave on my ground to hide in eternity
It’s driving me to the drive-in of pure insanity
Making me to cry, roar & then scream crazily

The love from my caring friends & loving family
The knitted meetings with the neuro psychologist weekly
Those amazing physio & ergo therapies from professional therapists
The great understanding & patience from my work colleagues
This compelling effect is pulling me out of my hell & anxiety
Building the mental & physical strength to supersede the weaker me
It’s setting “the uptight me” to the flames firely
Let me be & let me breathe before I dive from the top to fly freely
Is the mantra that I need to say to my-I quite frequently
This is how I live this life these days from the heart that’s beating the beads
I’m simply learning to heal the daunting dots inside & on top of me

NAVIN’S POEMS © 2020

Surrender

It’s like knowing the perfect recipe to heal, but keep struggling to cook it to perfection, is what I truly feel. The pictures on my real & tainted screen, keep changing from shallow to the deep, before everything explodes with just a simple breeze, where I loose my patience & forget how to evenly breathe, it’s just not the same story on auto-repeat. This is what happening in real life to me, this is how I these days actually live.

“Just let it go
Don’t hold on to it
Accept the new situation
Keep healing yourself”

Believe me, I know this all
I’m trying to be that whole
But I’m bleeding ink through these holes
As if I’m about to loose my breath & my soul

Immaterial things agitate me to the core
Improper actions are creating infections that sore
Immortal is my rage when I become the evil raw
Imbalanced energy in me is shaking everybody & even more

The feeling of sharp nails pierced in my head
Just before when I get the sensation of not being really heard
Brings forth the crazy moment to detonate my mind into pieces to spread this hurt
And turn whatever I’ve built mindfully into the cloud of dust

I know, inner healing takes its form in the course of time
But what if everything comes to an end while I bleed out every coarse of mine?
What if my screen break loose my hell & there’s no ocean to cry?
What if the scene gets darker while I keep destroying everyone’s life?

So I sit still on the bench in my garden & start to ponder
What’s happening to me & why am I doing these blunders?
Why is my heart causing lightning after the roaring thunder?
That moment I learn, I’m still learning to walk this path to unconditional love & to surrender

NAVIN’S POEMS © 2020

The Real Meal

How things can change from one moment to other, how mood swings can affect one another, when the eyes see a different form, a different picture. How the loud screams can’t be heard when the peace moves away, even further.

It’s like when I write my lines & describe a few things
I’m just grinding to tell how it feels when my mood swings
By crushing the stones into rough & fine powder that I mix
With liquid to make this soothing & so therapeutic paste
To heal the mental bleeding, wounds & physical pain

I tend to set my scope to fire my own head in flames
Take myself & my surroundings down with my anxiety & imbalance that I face
Nothing can be shielded this moment by thin layers over the sensitive surface
I come out suddenly from my dark, broken & isolated shed
People see me changing my form into this evil with eyes burning pure red

And then it seems as if I’m about to freak out the freak in me
A bloodthirsty sinner in those sparkling & scary scenes
Everything around me turn into ashes with my scorching heat
And it seems as if I feed my mind with my dear ones’ sufferings
I get deafened by the chains of my own crazy & loud screams

I can’t hear a word when they constantly beg me in fear to stop while they’re in tears
But no excuses, coz it’s explicitly me, who’s exhibiting the evil in me
I only wish to unchain myself in reality, to get freedom from me
So I end up wandering in search of the balanced recipe for my crazy craving
Manifesting inner peace is the definition of the real meal & by that, I mean real me

NAVIN’S POEMS © 2020

Crazy Me

It’s about how mind plays tricks sometimes, but do keep in mind, I’m not attacking any individual. So don’t mind what you read coz this is how I see the things from time to time. Things are exaggerated in my mind.

I’m here to tell you a crazy story
So stay tuned to hear something different & perhaps, a bit nasty
I promise though, it’s not gonna be ever lasting
The boiling water will disappear from my surface after vaporizing

Let me write the disclaimer very clearly
I’m neither telling it to attack someone nor to gain any sympathy
My body is burning & my vision is sort of blurry
It’s my way to cool down, this is my own therapy

I go by different names these days
It’s not a shock when I hear the name calling anyways
I admit, I could be all that upto a certain extent
I’m not here to explain the reasons, coz you won’t get them from where you stand

I’ve been called angry, an asshole, fucked up, impatient & lazy
Mr. Stress, short tempered, stubborn & unhappy are a few more to top this list
I could be even more if you only play to pinch my outer skin
To judge me from far far away, without knowing me deep within

I’ve heard that I hit, I hurt & I offend with my razor sharp words
I must be a devilish curse, that forge the course with my crooked force
That pokes the thin surface with trident till they bleed out their inner souls
That degrades in the end, Jesus blood into some cheap wine, that too is sort of corked

I misunderstand things repeatedly & a few people regret knowing me
I even put words in their mouth coz I’m so foul & freakin’ mean
Isn’t it always easier to play this game of pointing finger & blaming?
So I’m simply going to let this insanity pass through me

I’m typing the letters I-C by myself, you see
Translation – I feel Insanely-Crazy, not Icy
My brain is so heavy & my nerves are yet to connect with my body
So, I’m trying to change these beastie beats to the inner peace

I don’t wish anyone to be in my situation
But have a tiny understanding to understand my condition
It’s not easy to stand on either sides to find the balanced solution
At times, it could be confusing, that leads to frustrating dissolution

True, only I can make myself happy & no one can push my trigger but me
But then am I also responsible for others unhappiness & misery?
Where’s the balance now & where’s that teaching?
We can’t practice 24/7 everything, it’s the human nature of acting, reacting & living

I know, I must die several times to live from the deep
But stop accusing me for I don’t get things & so called missssunderstandings
Just don’t put everything on me to overlook the inner hurt & the inner bleeding
Take the responsibility & stand still on the inner grounding

Things could be white & things could be grey
But every single shade is pure in its own beautiful way
Coz none of these shady shades can ever be crazily fake
So don’t mistreat my soft corner in this cracked shell as my weakness, it won’t turn into some crispy flake

NAVIN’S POEMS © 2020

It’s Too Late

It’s about the thoughts that encircle me, which sometimes lead to difficulty in falling asleep. It’s a pure sharing, it’s not about suggesting what I must do to “fix” me.

My nights are always on the edge
It’s time for me to go to bed
But I would prefer to remain awake
Nights are haunting me, I’m a mess

I would rather listen to some nice music
Or jot down my own sick lyrics
Or read some blogs & write comments
Or read some mails & reply to them
Can you see where I’m going with all this?
Just read these lines if you wish to connect

I feel as if I’m sitting in my cave
Thoughts are crawling in me like those scary snakes
Spitting venom & biting my tasteless head
Dancing inside me with their hoods flare

I’m constantly doing this crazy check
Where I’m trying to balance my inner & outer self
But I can’t avoid those shocking waves
Where my crazy head starts to insanely shake
So I become anxious & a bit afraid
The restlessness makes me a bit desperate

I’m falling apart every night & day
Difficult to breathe, I simply can’t exhale
The emotions are running super fast, they are far ahead
I need help, is the voice I air

The desire to shout loud & then to scream
The desire to R.I.P. in this dark scene
The desire to feel my numb arm & face
Where I saw this phase with the blades of my phrase
Where I gather my pieces, to recreate my frame
I keep pressing my head from either ways

I feel helpless coz my longing curves to its extreme
The tears then start dripping down my left cheek
I need to rest my mind before it starts all over again
So I force myself to push the emergency brake

I put the earplugs on to listen to music
To hit the playlist, to find my tracks
To leave my thoughts aside, to make some empty space
I slowly drift away as that huge cloud with dark shade
I see the glimpse of stars & moon shining in this darkness
The healing begins & then I fall asleep

NAVIN’S POEMS © 2020

Daily Wagers’ pandemic

Sharing my latest poem with an important message to you all.

The pandemic is everywhere
It’s hitting people in different ways
A lot of us are lucky though to homestay
But think of those on daily wages
No food, no shelter vs virus; what’s worst for them?
Let’s help them by donating, it’s the least we can

The Covid-19 has hit India as well. Although I don’t live in India anymore but I would like to reach out to everyone to help the ones who are in need, the poor people, the daily wagers. No work, no food & no shelter. Thousands of daily wagers are migrating in massive volumes as they have no other choice. Such scenario can explode the pandemic.

The government of India is doing its best but unfortunately, they can’t fulfill all the needs just by themselves. I’m not doubting their ability but let’s face it, it’ll take time for them to reach out & plan everything. It’s here I’m requesting you to donate, whatever you wish to. Every single drop counts! Help them to help you…

Below are a few ways to donate:

https://pmnrf.gov.in/en/online-donation

https://www.fueladream.com/home/covid19-helping-daily-wage-labour

Stree Roshni Trust (you can find the trust on FB)
Current A/c No – 918020081791567
IFSC – UTIB0001362
Axis Bank
Swift code – AXISINBB or AXISINBB296

Gratitude & Much love 🙏❤️

Navin

NAVIN’S POEMS © 2020

Heat

Yesterday, I was all worked up. I don’t know why. Perhaps fatigued – mentally & physically. But that’s like a side effect, when I can’t handle small things, then I snap. Immaterial things become so important in my head.

My mind is exploding once again
Snapping like mental with blocked brain
Can’t feel the feelings of others when they try to share
All I want is the things to be done in my own way

I’m loosing my patience, just see my blood vein
Spitting only venom, just like Cerastes cerastes
If you come close to me, I’ll turn you into corpse case
Is the thought arising this moment, I’m feeling quite insane

I really need to grasp, this world doesn’t rotates around me
I must think of the loved ones & stop shouting, they got scared of me
My behaviour was unforgiving, it was quite shocking
I was so much burning in my flames, that I didn’t even apologize to them

Howcome I’m so blinded when I’m red & raged?
Why do I get so obsessed with perfect shapes in this deformed phase?
Howcome I yelled at my loved ones & showed zero respect?
Is my condition severely hammered than just my haemorrhage?

I made myself enemy of my loved ones & now I’m disturbed & suffocated
I’m stoned & glaring at this dark screen as if I’m dead in the present scene
The sadness has started covering my conscious with the dark shade
My heat will one day burn everything to ashes if I won’t heal me

NAVIN’S POEMS © 2020

Your Presence

A different kind of poem, full of craving, longing, wanting, intimacy also spirituality. I think it’ also relatable to loss of interest in sex, which is quite an important & normal part of being living creatures.

Right in this moment, I’m craving for you – Crazy for you
I wish to kiss your soft lips – Flow of passion
The desire to bite you – In pure ecstasy
Just want to dive into you blindly – A beautiful moment
I won’t be able to keep my hands away from your body – The curvy forms

But it was time to open my eyes from the subconscious
You weren’t here with me in your physical form
I felt though your pure energy from the sacred zone
You’ve set my heart on fire
It’s beating heavenly & hot
I feel your presence close to me
Pure intensity in a single shot

No, it wasn’t my longing – I felt your touch
It was so tender & deep
No, it wasn’t the moment of desperation – I smelled your scent
It was so fragrant & toxic
No, it wasn’t my anxiety – I heard myself scream your name
It was so real & yet surreal

The first alphabet is so curvy
Just like those loving beats so divine
Just like the hypnotizing dance of that serpentine
Just like the sensuality in spiritual form
Just wish to show you this crazy reality
You are simply the wave of my heartbeat

NAVIN’S POEMS © 2020